Facebook Needs An Enema

I have been finding myself un-checking the "Show In News Feed" button on some of my Facebook "friends" recently.  I can't believe some of the ignorance and lack of fact checking on some of these posts.  Investigate before you re-post.  I am embarrassed for some of you.  And I will continue to not read your stuff, but won't block or delete you, because that is the close minded mentality that disturbs me in the first place.  Political opinions, religious over-expression, and now gun control.  Or sometimes a combination of all three.  

Is it to much to ask to actually read more than one article, or watch one news channel, before blasting a post  stating what you believe to be "facts"?  Even with the busy life I have, I make a conscious effort to read up on laws, events, and culture for meaningful conversations with other educated people.  Even with the investigation I do, it is never enough for me to feel like an expert.  I believe that if you don't read or learn, then you are spitting vitriol and simply look foolish.  So please stop filling the world with junk information.  An opinion is one thing, but when you preach it as if it is fact, then you are failing. Take your biases out of the equation and think about what you are really supporting.

One more point is that the breaking news we are force fed is usually less than complete due to the media not having all of the facts, and we wonder why Facebookers are embarrassing themselves.  They are simply replicating what they see on TV.  Sound familiar??  Hell even the Jackass series of movies has a disclaimer not attempt the stupid acts that they try.  

OUT!

Communicating? What is that?

Email (personal, work, school, ghost), texting, home phone, cell phone call, Facebook, Skype, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube Channel, Blogger, Yelp and Foursquare and new to the group is Google +.  These are the ways I like to communicate.  This isn't the order in which I prefer, but merely a list of the most current, and most often utilized. Now, one would think that in this day of social media that I would just be nothing but overwhelmed with all the messages I have to respond to and sympathy would be a requirement for the calluses my poor fingers must be developing. 

It is quite the opposite really.  I am on the computer all day and I have my trusty Android phone by my side always.  Yet it amazes me how little communication I actually get.  Now this can be attributed to several factors.  Most people know that I am very busy during the day.  I go to school at the University of Toledo full time, and it is full time studying for a “non-traditional” student like myself.  Also the hours that I am actually really available for personal time is when most of America is sleeping (including PST).    Every day I attend classes which lead to my nights being spent on my homework for university.

By last count (and this isn’t a bragging point) I have 500+ friends on Facebook.  Out of these, I would assume that if only one friend contacted me once a day, I would have 1.4 + messages a day.  Doesn’t happen.  I have approximately 250 email addresses.  I should get a personal email asking me about my life about every 1.45 days.  Guess what?  Can’t remember the last time I got this email from anyone.   A wall post from me might prompt a response, but this isn’t technically communicating with me.  It is a chance for someone to show off their wit, act snarky or simply put in their $0.02.  Using a Like button or +1 or retweeting seems like a way to show you have been noticed, but it’s a complete failure of talking with me.  It is talking about me, while I moderate the conversation. 

I think it is time that we all take a minute to realize that we have this technology available, so use it.  Call an old friend.  Send a letter to that old classmate from high school.  Email your aunt who only forwards junk, and ask her how life is treating her.  The catch is you have to really want to do it.  Don’t feel like it is an obligation.  Try to be human every now and then in this world of machines.  Be refreshing to the rest of the world. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_social_networking_websites

A Tooth's Perspective

Hey this looks chewy!

Surprisingly crunchy vs. looks hard but is so soft (I like these rice krispy treats)

That isn’t supposed to be in here.  Bones can be broke down, but who wants to work that hard.

No work at all here – pass on by in an orderly fashion, thank you.  Thanks inventor of drinks.

Who the hell cranked the heat?  I’m hot.  Bet that hurts, huh tongue?

It’s really fucking cold in here. Can’t you feel me poking your brain with a stick to let you know?

Is that coffee the shit that keeps making me darker?  Not an attractive look for me. 

Tongue is an arrogant asshole.  He’s all like “At least I get to taste”.  I do all the work and he gets to sit back and enjoy the fruits of my labor. 

I like it when Tongue gets lazy and I “accidently” chomp him.

Thankfully we have that hole in back to put all the stuff I destroy. 

Sometimes things come back out.  Thankfully it’s already soft and I don’t have to do anything. 

Fuck you tongue. Paybacks are a bitch.  “At least you get to taste!” I mockingly shout.

Awww man! That shit gets stuck between us. What fuck-head thought that celery should be eaten?

Just say no to popcorn balls.

Who is that bitch with the really sharp metal object in her hand?  Stay the fuck away from me.  HEEELLLLPPP!

I don’t know why but we get a lot of those little chicken wings coming our way!  I mean A LOT!

I wish I looked like the canine’s canines!

I hear that Meth mouth stuff is over in the next county!  I hope it doesn’t come here.

After a good Scope bath I feel clean for like 10 maybe 30 seconds before this asshole throws more of the coffee paint on me.

Signed,

Bob “First” Molar

Things to be thankful for...in sports

I usually write to blow steam off, because most entities (human or businesses) are making poor decisions that influence my day and make it harder than it should be. Translation - they are pissing me off.  But today, I wanted to write to let people know what it is that I do like and don't bitch that much about. Don't expect me to go all sports star/MTV/Emmy/Oscar/etc award winner here and be so cliche you want to puke.  This is what makes the Schmalex happy.  Yes it does happen.

So here we go.....

I am thankful for the culinary creation of chicken wings tossed in a sauce.  Deep fried, baked, grilled or smoked.  I don't care. Clean 'em, cook 'em, sauce 'em, devour 'em. Hose down you hands and face after a basket of these avian delectables.  I only wish they served them at every restaurant.  Only if done right though.  Hooters can take them off the menu anytime because they make me sick.  Might be the rolls (not on the menu).  Wings make sports better.

The 6 - 4 - 3 inning ending double play.  Of course this makes the other list of top things that piss me off too.  It's diverse like that.  There is nothing better than getting to a team mentally.  I believe this play does that a little bit.  Picture this. (if your aren't a baseball fan you may want to move on to #3.) The other team has their 2 hole up first in the bottom of a late inning.  They are down by 1 run and are desperate to get something going. Their fans are getting into it now. A hit rips into the outfield for a single and #2 is pumped about his weasel single.  In steps scary batter in the 3 spot.  He is a guy who can move up the speedy kid on 1st.  Been doing it all year.  But our guys strikes him out on a 85 mph 12-6 curve dropped from baseball heaven.  One out.  Now comes trouble.  Their big gun.  The cleanup hitter.  Biggest bat on the team right?  Well after a couple of inside pitches with sauce he eventually taps on a change up that dropped off the table, but he is good enough to put wood on it.  Great thing for me is he just tapped it up the middle to the SS who flips it to 2B who whips it to 1B.  6-4-3 inning ending, rally stopping, crowd dampening, soul punching double play. 

Mom - I mean what more is there to say.  If you don't love your mom, then I feel sorry for you for not having what I have had.  Best woman in the world.  Funny, great cook, sports fan (who cusses at the TV) and a heart so big, this planet can't contain it. I learned a lot about cheering for a job done right rather than bandwagoning for a certain team.

Fox Sports Detroit - Those ESPN weasels simply suck.  They steal stories, or make mountains out of molehills in a story, ruin careers on accusations, or simply have horrible announcers for games.  I am so happy that Fox Sports Detroit exists.  If I had to rely on Weasel network for a Tigers game, I could just save time and go buy an AM radio and listen to it.  I mean the Red Sox are playing the vaunted (last place team) or the Yankees are hosting (insert whoever the fuck you want here) so they should definitely be on prime time.  I mean a battle for pennant can't mean that much since its the AL Central.  FSD gives me all the Tigers games I can handle with Mario and Rod calling from the booth.  Even though I miss hearing Ernie Harwell calling games, I love the combo we have now and all the fun they make this game out to be.

NCAA Women's Volleyball - Who doesn't want to see extremely athletic, tall and mostly hot chicks wearing bun-hugger shorts?  That's all.  PS.  It's best when they dive.


The golf clap.  Which is all I give this post!  Except for her.  She gets more than that for those! ------------>>>>

OUT,
Schmalex

Breaking my own rules

I am not one that likes to follow rules.  As a matter of fact, I prefer to break them.  I do live by my own set of rules though.  I follow these because they actually make sense to me.  Here is my list that I try to stick to:

1.       Respect your elders – They put up with your shit, so say thank you.

2.       Don’t be a pussy.  If it bothers you speak up. 

3.       Help those that help themselves (especially if they share the beer they helped themselves to)

4.       Don’t talk politics (with close minded people)

5.       Don’t talk religion (especially with zealots/nondenominational churchgoers/soapbox preachers)

6.       Avoid stupid people (I spend a lot of time alone)

7.       Don’t argue sports (with stupid and close minded people)

a.        See 8.       Stay positive (until 3^rd Out Amigos Raburn/Inge/Kelly comes to bat)

9.       Don’t bash any Tigers players. Cheer all wins

10.    Break rules

Now rule 10 allows the contradictory views of other rules.  This is part of the beauty of being the Schmalex.  I can’t say that most people don’t do the same, but Rule #2 is one that I have lightened up on as I have gotten older.  Sometimes it coincides with #’s 4 & 5. 

I like to voice my opinion and I like a great discussion, but when you get into an argument with those that don’t respect your voice, conversation over.  I used to get into heated discussions (usually after many beers) about sports, and sometimes politics.  I have the knowledge for the talk, but sometimes I agitate just because it seems like a fun time.  Not always the case it turns out.  Some people get really pissed and I think they hold on to the thought that this is my only true opinion.  In fact I was just trying to get them to open their mind.  Hell, sometimes I agree with the village idiot.  But agreement leads to boring conversation. 

Let’s compare the same conversation with me agreeing and then being devils’ advocate.  Let’s take a recent sporting news story and see how it relates

Convo #1 Agreement

Me: So, Pryor really is something

OSU fan:  Yeah what he did was dumb, but he should do okay in the NFL. I don’t understand how the NFL gave him the 5 game suspension.

Me: Yeah who the heck does the NFL think they are policing the NCAA?

OSU fan: Our school is targeted for violations because we are so big, you know.

Me: Well it is happening to many schools now to remove the bad eggs.

Convo #2 Pissing Off

Me: So, Pryor really is something

OSU fan:  Yeah what he did was dumb, but he should do okay in the NFL. I don’t understand how the NFL gave him the 5 game suspension.

Me:  Shit, that punk shouldn’t have even been in the supplemental draft.  Your OSU program has been a turmoil filled mess since Tressel Vest took over.  How many arrests have there been in his tenure?  On  the bright side, sales of guns and cars have gone through the roof in Columbus.

OSU fan: *deep breath/red faced* What the hell do you know?  We won so many championships that we don’t have to answer to anybody.  We are the greatest fans in the country and everybody else just sucks.  *middle finger goes up*

Me: Fuck OSU and fuck you. 

Conversation OVER!

"Nothing Good Happens After Midnight"

These are the words of advice that my Dad always shared with us.  It turns out my wife's Dad said the same thing. As a special day such as father's day is now come and gone, I'd like to shares some of the best pieces of advice I have gotten from Pops Ruiz!  Now he didn't necessarily "say" all of these, but this is the interpretation by Schmalex.

There is no top ten list, but here are some of my favorites. (my two cents in parentheses)

• If its not a hammer don't use it as a hammer (but it worked)
• Doing it yourself will save you lots of money (he never mentioned the time lost though)
• knowing why not to use metric wrenches on standard bolt (OOPS! Now how how we gonna get the oil out, Dad?)
• What a tap and die set is used for (Almost everything can be fixed)
• Help others even if they don't always help themselves (I try)
• Cherish family, (even the ones you don't really know well or like that much)
• They don't make 'em like they used to (this refers to cars mostly)
• Growing your own food saves money (again the time thing, oh and he has a green thumb I did not inherit)
• Care for your animals because they are your companions and mostly can't do it themselves
• Money doesn't make you happy (But it feeds 3 growing boys, along with the garden of course)
• Maintain your vehicles.  It will save you money.  (Trust me, he's right)
• ALWAYS take care of Mom! 

Thank you for always being able to fix it or make it better.  Learning how to use tools and common sense has carried me further in my life than all the education the schools you sent me to put together. (rural public HS and state university, but still its a lot).  I believe my wife, Bethany, would agree that you made me into the man I am still learning to be today.  Well at least the great parts.  

Speaking of my other side of the family.  I have been a lucky SOB most of my life. Now I may have cashed in all my lucky coins to marry my wife, but I must have had some in reserves because I have amazingly great in-laws.  My father-in-law, Lyle, is not only a brilliant common sense thinker, but a hilarious man!  Some of the stories he shares can't be done justice on a re-tell just because of his delivery.  He has shown me how to have great patience (he had 3 daughters) and a "know when to hold 'em" approach.  Growing up with brothers, you just throw down because something they do pisses you off.  Getting married taught me that this isn't a good approach.  Simple pieces of advice from Lyle have led me to understand a microcosm of the female thinking that can possibly save me a silent treatment kind of day. 

Some examples include:

• Have grandkids so I can spoil the hell out of them
• Tell your wife that is "woman's work" (run like hell and laugh maniacally) 
• Don't listen to them, the steaks are not overcooked (on the grill of course)
• Momma's loaded! (Bethany loves it when I use this one)
• Get the animal the comfort package (even if you don't like the furry bastards)
• Upgrade the warranty (Saves time working on my own shit)
• Buy yourself the Christmas gifts you really want (this actually is true of both dads)
• Don't always ask for permission, but always ask for forgiveness! (especially when spending money)

I hope that these lists help clarify the Schmalex a little bit, and why I am mostly the way I am.  For the parts not yet described, these will come at a later time, when I am having either a moment of clarity or utterly chaotic day.  Either way I hope its entertaining to re-read.  

Great Tunes…..Interrupted

I, along with many others, love to listen to great music.  Of course “great” is a relative term.  My mom would disagree with many choices in my digital library.  She wouldn’t be so hip to the Black Keys, but she might get down with some Sublime.  I love to rock out, but I rarely know words to songs.  I am a beat and riff kinda dude!  Don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of the lyrics to a lot of songs, but if I was asked to perform them  1) Your ears would bleed, 2) I would have to use my wife’s technique of adding “something, something” in lieu of words unknown. 

So I am a driving down the freeway on my way home from the office one day and totally thrashing the new Beastie Boys album (Hot Sauce Committee Pt. 2- Go get it if you’re a fan), and I get off the exit and notice my phone is ringing.  I can’t hear it obviously, but I can see the screen light up.  I am coming up to a red light at the bottom of the ramp and the windows are up and the AC is blasting as much as the first track “Make Some Noise” so I contemplate answering.  It is someone that never answers my calls, but I also like talking to them, so it’s a conundrum.  FINE, I’ll answer, but it was the part with the cowbells (it makes me think of Will Ferrell and smile).  So I turn down the in-car one man party and say hello like I have been in a quiet room all day.  The conversation is short, the light is green, but the damage is done.  I have lost my groove on that song. 

Once you really get going and jam so hard that the invitation to join The Band is certainly in the mail, but then it gets interrupted, and getting back to that "place" is near impossible.  It is the sneeze that just won’t come out, but keeps tickling you all day.  I suddenly realize that the phone answer was a bad idea and I have to change tempo, style or possibly just tune in NPR because I am so out of sync.  So I change it up, put on the System of Down to calm my nerves and ramp back up at the same time.  There is something about people raging harder than you that can have a calming effect.  If you have never listen to SOOD and want to really thrash it out on a run or workout, this is the group for you!  I have ridden my bike unknowingly extra hard because of this band to the point that I nearly threw up listening to their songs. Hence my three song limit while exercising.  

So next time you are blasting your favorite song (hopefully not Miley) don’t let an interruption ruin the flow of the jammin’!  Sing that song as loud as you can with as many words as you know.  Beat the steering wheel like it deserves it and if you know how to drive with your knee, the air guitar championships are just around the corner, GET READY!
 

Courtesy of www.usairguitar.com